4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
