I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
