he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
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I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
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I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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