Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
