last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
