you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize