i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
