You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
