I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
