Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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