no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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