i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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