It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
