He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
this will be a night to untag.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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