i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
