so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Your cock deserves a montage
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Randomize
