Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
