Sponge bath it is.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
