I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
