Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
