I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
