We won't sleep together?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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