I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
