My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Randomize
