I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
