i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
