youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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