he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
