I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
We are all done wearing pants today
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
