it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
