If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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