If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
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