If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
