i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
