I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Jerry, you need to find god
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Randomize
