the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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