i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
