I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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