A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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