I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
