just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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