Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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