piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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