I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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