FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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