I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
