the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
