for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
