her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
