Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Someone signed my nipple.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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