Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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