a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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