I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
