Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize