i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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