he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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