oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
