There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It's blow job season.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
