The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize