I can tuck mytits in my pants
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
