Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
