you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
