I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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