I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
