The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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