Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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