he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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