i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
