one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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