She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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