Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
It's rum buckets o'clock
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
