My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
