Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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