in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
my being single is dangerous.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
