i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It's blow job season.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
