who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
